as i am the only patient that i have ever seen in my cancer doctor office that is under middle age (with the majority of patients ranging from 60 yrs old- 160 yrs old).... i stand out. people stare. this used to freak me out, then it made me laugh, now its great because everyone talks to you because they wonder what the heck you are doing there! either that or that ask you if you are there to pick up your grandma.
but in the waiting room the other day...God taught me amazing things. life changing things.
i talked with a woman in her 40s/50s who was on her third round of chemo for various brain tumors. she spoke slowly due to having to have speech therapy and she has gone through several wigs because she gets bored with them :) (the one she was wearing looked so real i had no idea and i kept staring at it trying to figure out where it attached or whatever).
her first husband died of cancer a while ago. she remarried, had a child, and then was diagnosed with brain cancer. when all her hair fell out, her husband left her. she says the only thing she can talk to him about is their child. she was almost in tears as she looked in my eyes and told me that she didn't know if she wasn't beautiful enough for him anymore, or if he just couldn't handle everything she was going through. she asked me "who would ever want me after this?" i smiled and told her i knew how she felt. we talked about losing our hair and days you feel ugly and we held hands.
we talked for 7 minutes.
then they took her away for chemo and i didn't see her the rest of the visit. i hope she knows about jesus. i hope i see her again. i'm trying to find her as i am writing through what could only be described as "stalker-ish" research. her name was kim. i cried when she left. and i pray for her.
she was one of the most beautiful people i have ever met.
the rest of the 3 hour wait, i watched old couple after old couple shuffle in and out... some were broken, some were bald, some looked cheerful, some looked tired..very tired. but 99% of these people were holding each other's hands. i have never seen such love in my life.
the lady next to me told me she had been married for 60 years this year to an "honorable and loving christian man" and then told me about her 10 great grandchildren.
i want to be those people. i want you to be those people. its possible. i have seen it. great, amazing, godly love that triumphs over suffering and ugliness and disease. it puts my situation in perspective. when i get selfish and only think about myself and how this "inconveniences" me for the summer, i remember these people.
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