balancing act

there is something that i need to say....particularly after talking with other people who have/had cancer.

dealing with cancer is a delicate balancing act. a balance between supporting the person with cancer while they are sick, and treating them like a normal human being.
some days we don't feel good. and sometimes we need to talk about our cancer because it makes crazy/awful/wonderful things happen. we need you to be okay with talking about it . and joking about it. its ridiculously funny a lot of the time actually!!! :)
but we also are humans who like and love other things. and a lot of days we feel good and we want to do and talk about these other things. i am not the "cancer girl." i am aly, who happens to have cancer at the moment. yes this is important but it is not all that i am.

i know its hard.
sometimes i think it is harder for people who know someone with cancer to deal with it than the people who have cancer themselves.
sometimes i don't.


some people pity you, which is frustrating. people with cancer need your prayers and support/help, but not pity.

some people randomly show up out of the blue and are the most amazing and encouraging and loving people you have ever met. these people are sent to me (and others) from God. sometimes i wonder if they are secretly angels. i happen to be blessed with a large number of these people. strangers. friends. strangers who become friends. some of you who are reading this are these people..... or have been. thank you...i love you!

some people you think would come through with support for you don't at all and this is very disappointing and/or sad. but i am learning sometimes they don't know how to deal with it. so they ignore it. and that's okay.

some people you meet (that already hear you have cancer before you meet them in person) ...you can look at in the eyes and you know they are afraid to be your friend because they think you might die.
its not that they don't want to know you. its that they are afraid to because they don't want to be hurt.


its a balance.


we are balancing too. we balance hoping to be okay one day and believing that we will be... and make plans for days down the road when we are 100% better.
but we also balance the possibility of not being okay and wondering what will happen if we aren't....and make plans for that too. but my plans don't really matter all that much really.

yes, i have cancer and i could be dying right now....i don't know.

but you (probably) don't have cancer and you could die tomorrow. you don't know either.

you have to trust God...trust that it will be okay no matter what happens. Yes, I have faith that he can heal me completely if that is in his plan. He also provides me with peace to handle what may happen if he doesn't.
His plans are beyond what we can imagine and he does works for the good of those who love him.......and this makes me so happy i could explode right here in my new room. :) and it gets me through the days.

In Christ alone my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song. This Cornerstone, this solid ground, Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace, When fears are stilled, when strivings cease. My Comforter, my All in All, Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, who took on flesh, Fullness of God in helpless babe. This gift of love and righteousness, Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died, The wrath of God was satisfied, For every sin on Him was laid, Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay, Light of the world by darkness slain. Then bursting forth in glorious Day, Up from the grave He rose again.
And as He stands in victory, Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me. For I am His and He is mine. Brought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death, This is the power of Christ in me. From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man, Can ever pluck me from His hand. 'Till He returns or calls me home, Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.