Practicing an art, no matter how well or how badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.
-Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
delivered.
i am officially in remission as of 12:35pm today. no more tests, no more scans, no more injections, no more radiation....ever.
i feel like i can finally breathe.
i don't think i knew that i had been holding my breath for the past few years in anticipation for the next blow, but the freedom of deliverance is a wonderful thing that i am ready to embrace.
i am so thankful for all of you and grateful that jesus has allowed me to stick around for a while longer. praise God for his grace towards me and us all!
"You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy!" Isaiah 26:19
"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave."
Psalm 86
i feel like i can finally breathe.
i don't think i knew that i had been holding my breath for the past few years in anticipation for the next blow, but the freedom of deliverance is a wonderful thing that i am ready to embrace.
i am so thankful for all of you and grateful that jesus has allowed me to stick around for a while longer. praise God for his grace towards me and us all!
"You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy!" Isaiah 26:19
"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave."
Psalm 86
Thursday, April 23, 2009
update
so yesterday i drank some radiation with a plastic straw. out of a 3 pound metal cylinder.
i should have learned by now i need to bring my camera everywhere with me. seriously.
today, had my 30ish minute scan (shorter than usual!) where they wrap you up like a mental patient and put dots on your face. i dragged katie beth along for entertainment while i was stuck in the tube and we had a good time.
well, as good of time you can have when you can't talk or move in any way.
i'll get the results late today or tomorrow so i'm still on the diet and i'll update when those come in.
on a side note, something i've noticed over the past few weeks:
faithfulness.
not only has God been extremely gracious and faithful to me since all this began, but i am reminded of people's faithfulness to each other.
the waiting room is always a sobering place filled with people who are bald from cancer, in wheelchairs, people who look miserably sick. yet, they all have children or husbands or wives to love them. if you wonder if people stay married anymore, come sit in the waiting room with a couple in their 70s where he holds her hand and tells her she is beautiful even with no hair. that is faithfulness.
i have gotten insane amounts of phone calls and text messages from friends reminding me of their love. flowers, cards, emails... all tangible expressions of how i have amazingly faithful friends. old friends who have walked with me from the beginning of this and new friends to see me to the finish.
thank you. i love ya'll.
i should have learned by now i need to bring my camera everywhere with me. seriously.
today, had my 30ish minute scan (shorter than usual!) where they wrap you up like a mental patient and put dots on your face. i dragged katie beth along for entertainment while i was stuck in the tube and we had a good time.
well, as good of time you can have when you can't talk or move in any way.
i'll get the results late today or tomorrow so i'm still on the diet and i'll update when those come in.
on a side note, something i've noticed over the past few weeks:
faithfulness.
not only has God been extremely gracious and faithful to me since all this began, but i am reminded of people's faithfulness to each other.
the waiting room is always a sobering place filled with people who are bald from cancer, in wheelchairs, people who look miserably sick. yet, they all have children or husbands or wives to love them. if you wonder if people stay married anymore, come sit in the waiting room with a couple in their 70s where he holds her hand and tells her she is beautiful even with no hair. that is faithfulness.
i have gotten insane amounts of phone calls and text messages from friends reminding me of their love. flowers, cards, emails... all tangible expressions of how i have amazingly faithful friends. old friends who have walked with me from the beginning of this and new friends to see me to the finish.
thank you. i love ya'll.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
hope
i get so frustrated with myself this time of year when fear decides to take over my every thought as i go through my yearly tests. if i pass, this will be the last one. i want to be okay. i'm hoping that i will be.
but...our pastor said something at church this week that has been ringing in my head ever since:
hope isn't wishing nothing bad will happen to you.
we hope for things to turn out alright, when we should be hoping for the glory of God to be revealed in us. suffering ends up producing hope. not hope in ourselves, but hope in someone better...
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5: 1-5
but...our pastor said something at church this week that has been ringing in my head ever since:
hope isn't wishing nothing bad will happen to you.
we hope for things to turn out alright, when we should be hoping for the glory of God to be revealed in us. suffering ends up producing hope. not hope in ourselves, but hope in someone better...
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5: 1-5
Thursday, April 02, 2009
something to believe
http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1711_i_will_never_believe/
jesus is so patient with those who have a hard time with belief. Belief that he is who he says he is. Belief that he loves them. Belief that he can be trusted with everything.
"Lord I do believe; Help my unbelief!" Mark 9:24
jesus is so patient with those who have a hard time with belief. Belief that he is who he says he is. Belief that he loves them. Belief that he can be trusted with everything.
"Lord I do believe; Help my unbelief!" Mark 9:24
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