my hair vs. the mullet

continuing to grow out my hair through some awkward stages without it turning into a mullet is a challenge on a daily basis....haha. it is more difficult than you would think.
now... this is not to say that i haven't seen some quality 80's-esque mullets walking around during my time in south carolina. because i have, believe me. :) but i just don't think i can quite pull it off. call me crazy.


however, much celebration was had by all (okay just me)
when i recently discovered :

1. i can now hold my hair back with some clips and it is finally long enough to stay. (this resulted in me forcing lindsey to look at my head while i jumped up and down in excitement in front of the bathroom mirror).
2. AND a good bit of my hair is long enough to tuck behind my ears.

these are two tiny things most people (okay maybe just girls) take for granted. or at least you take for granted until all your hair falls out.

it has hit me that i pretty much look like a normal person again.

for so long it was really physically obvious that something was wrong with me (first the baldness/short hair, then the huge napkin looking bandage around my neck)...both of which resulted in a lot of questions from people. my hair is still short, but a normal person short. and i still have a red scar on my neck that people notice a good bit, but it is slowly getting a lot better.

all these things seem pretty insignificant, but people automatically associate how you look with how you feel. so i guess to be perfectly honest...
recently it has been easier to pretend that i am and i feel....
normal.
even though i'm not really "normal" and i don't feel "normal", its easier to keep up appearances.

i wonder sometimes...
does that mean i'm acting fake? being private? in denial?
or just ...blending in?
i don't know.
do you?


some words from the truth:
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment... Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."1 Peter 3:3-5

along with pedro the lion's commentary on the lies that the world tells us:
"put on whatever makes you attractive
if it's not you
then do it for the sake of fashion
your friends like a certain you
that's who you've got to be...
wisdom from a beauty queen
her tiara diggin deep in her head
i'm starting to think that i'm kind of shy
or at least i'd like to be...
so take it all off with lasers
so it never comes back
then we can pretend it's natural"


very interesting.