if you are looking for me, i'll be reading labels on the organic aisle in publix, thanks.

so.
recently i have been ...struggling (frustrated?) with having to permanently re-adjust my eating habits.

sometimes i don't feel like eating at all. when i do, a lot of times i want to eat like a normal person again and not have to incorporate new and weird and healthy things into my diet like barley and tofu and...raisins. i want to eat nothing but lucky charms and mashed potatoes and chewy chocolate chip cookies and all the yummy processed things that me and my screwed up immune system are not supposed to eat.

sometimes... i really break the rules and am stupid and then pay the consequences when i get sick.
sometimes... its totally worth it. a lot of times its not.


going out to eat is weird.


people ask if i am a vegetarian.
no.

hello can i take your orders?
normal people: yes i would like the flounder stuffed with crab and homemade macaroni and cheese on the side...i'll have the cheeseburger with french fries....lasagna and breadsticks...
me: hi, um...yes, i'll just have salad please. and could you take off the [insert unhealthy salad topping here] please? and put dressing on the side?

are you "anorexic or something"?
no.

normal people: yes i want to order a barbeque sandwich, hushpuppies, and coleslaw.
me: [after looking at the menu] ....do you have hot tea?

thus the problem.
granted, a little exaggerated. but you get the point.

i have compromised and bought those weird and healthy things (i have not actually eaten them yet, but they are in the pantry). mainly i am trying to (and should be) eating mostly fruit and veggies and other plain, plain healthy food because it helps me get better and feel better and be able to play and do normal things.
i have to just limit the amount of all the processed stuff (also known as normal food)...haha.

but....

because of this ...issue... i am learning a lot about discipline and/or self-control and/or moderation. in food and in lots of other areas of my life.
and reading in philippians the other day, i came across this:

"For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends! -Philippians 3:18-4:1

i don't want to have my stomach become a lowercase god for me.
so i am trying to take better care of myself these days (although i do allow myself occasional and much needed splurges haha).
God is transforming me to be more like him...even through my food. which is kind of cool. :)