anniversary

it blows my mind that it has been two years this weekend.

two years of freedom for me.

and of course God in his perfect timing brought about several stories this weekend of people who weren't so lucky. people who didn't make it. sad, horrible stories of families struggling to see God in the midst of their pain.

every time i heard one of these stories i felt like a bus hit me. my breath was taken away... to be reminded once more of God's kindness and grace and gentleness toward me. i know God is sovereign, but i still wonder sometimes why his hand of mercy was upon me.

me, instead of someone else.

maybe its God's way of reminding me of salvation. that although i (we) deserve to die, he lovingly chooses to save us.

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God

Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,

and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed,

that her sin has been paid for..."

-Isaiah 40:1-2

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord,

and he answered by setting me free."

Psalm 118:5

william fitzsimmons

I should not have hid where my heart can't follow,
'cause this grace gets so far and too hard to swallow.
I've been running from Saul, he's been giving chase;
when I look in his eyes, all I see is my face.

You're still on my back after all these years,
chasing me out of hell and my nice veneers.
I don't know how you stand when you've got no floor,
or how you can breathe with your hands on boards.

I just want to be not what I am today,
I just want to be better than my friends might say,
I just want a small part in your passion's play.

Do you hear when I call in the midst of wrong?
Do you hear these here words while I sing this song?
Are you caught up in me like I heard you say,
or just some big cashier that I'll have to pay?

Just want to be not what I am today,
I just want to be better than my friends might say,
I just want a small part in your passion's play.

-Passion Play

been finding a lot of good music lately.

encouraged to love

in honor of "valentimes" (that is for wimbo).....what does it look like to truly love someone in an unselfish way? encouragement can certainly play a part.

the book of acts talks about a guy named joseph who was incredibly encouraging to those around him. so much so that everyone started calling him barnabus (which means son of encouragement).

so barnabus encouraged people in a couple of different ways.

-he saw needs and met them:
"All the believers were in one heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales to the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need. Joseph...whom the apostles called Barnabus, sold a field he owned and brought the money and put it at the feet of the apostles." -Acts 4:32-37

-he saw potential in someone and developed it
"But Barnabus took him [Paul] and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord has spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus." Acts 9:27

-he saw faith and encouraged/nurtured it
"...they sent Barnabus to Antioch. When he arrived and saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts." -Acts 11:23

whatever it looks like for you,
today i encourage you to love someone well.

song by sojourn...look them up.

Falling down upon our knees,
Sharing now in common shame,
We have sought security,
Not the cross that bears Your name.
Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune.
We're a valley of dry bones;
Lead us back to life in You.

Lord we fall upon our knees,
We have shunned the weak and poor,
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords,
Prayed for those we'd like to know --
Favor sings a siren tune.
We've become a talent show;
Lead us back to life in You.

You have caused the blind to see,
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds,
Eager, ready to condemn.
Now we plead before Your throne --
Power sings a siren tune.
We've been throwing heavy stones;
Lead us back to life in You.

We're a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You.
We've become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You.
We've been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You.

if you feel like being convicted....

read these:

http://www.generousgiving.org/page.asp?sec=101&page=407

good heart-check/kick in the face for me today. with everyone losing their jobs left and right, its easy to start thinking about stuffing money under our mattress or burying it in the backyard like they did in the great depression...having a biblical perspective can be difficult. scary really. but like everything else, the Lord calls us to overcome our fear of not being "secure" and trust that he will take care of it.

augustine's rhetoric

"Nevertheless, I would confess to you my shame, for your glory. Bear with me, I implore you, and give me the grace to retrace in my present memory the devious ways of my past errors and so be able to offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving."

"With you is perfect rest, and life unchanging. The one who enters into you enters into the joy of his Lord, and shall have no fear and shall achieve excellence in the excellent one. I fell away from you, my God, and in my youth I wandered too far from you, my true support. And I became a wasteland to myself."

-Augustine, Confessions

reading this book makes me realize how horribly lazy we are with our words. i definitely recommend it. for something written around 400 a.d it is totally relevant.

ananias

Acts 9:10-11
"The Lord told him, 'Go to the house of Judas on straight street and ask for a man named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.'
'Lord,' Ananias answered, 'I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name. But the Lord said to Ananias, 'Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer in my name.'
Then Ananias went."


such an interesting example of obedience in a seemingly illogical situation. i too might be a bit hesitant to go talk to someone who might murder me...but when i drag my feet, the Lord certainly is faithful to remind me who he is ("Go!" with an exclamation point is pretty intense when it comes from God.)

if Ananias would have talked himself out of going to talk to Saul/Paul, would the rest of the bible have looked different? would the Lord have blessed someone else with the opportunity to witness to Saul/Paul? interesting how small decisions can make big differences.

rich young ruler

"poverty is so hard to see
when it’s only on your tv
and twenty miles across town
where we’re all living so good
that we moved out of Jesus’ neighborhood
where he’s hungry and not feeling so good
from going through our trash
he says, more than just your cash and coin
i want your time, i want your voice
i want the things you just can’t give me

so what must we do
here in the west we want to follow you
we speak the language and we keep all the rules
even a few we made up
come on and follow me
but sell your house, sell your suv
sell your stocks, sell your security
and give it to the poor
what is this, hey what’s the deal
i don’t sleep around and i don’t steal
i want the things you just can’t give me

because what you do to the least of these
my brother’s, you have done it to me
because i want the things you just can’t give me"

-derek webb, rich young ruler

we three... "kings"?

so...after the sermon today, one of my favorite christmas songs will certainly be thought of in a different way....

in talking about the wise men (matthew 2:1-12) our pastor brought up a few interesting points...

-the wise men weren't kings. they were academicians who studied astronomy. pagans back then believed the stars could fortell the future, so anyone who could read the stars was regarded as highly intelligent and was well respected.

-we don't know if there were 3 of them. the bible never says anything about 3 people, only that they brought gold, incense, and myrhh. 3 gifts don't necessarily equal 3 people.

-the wise men did not show up when Jesus was in the manger. Vs. 11 says they came to a house. So we are unsure how old Jesus was when the wise men actually got there. (So technically....they don't really belong in the manger scene....)

- Vs. 4-6 talk about how all the priests and teachers of the law knew that the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem (which was not far from Jerusalem), yet they did not go there! The gentile/pagan wise men were more concerned with worshipping the king than the people who knew the truth.
....perhaps instead the priests and teachers stayed home and "studied the scriptures" instead of doing what they said.

convicting? definitely. interesting? always.

making a way in the desert

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland"

Isaiah 43:19

it is hard to see how the Lord is providing for you in the desert when you are still stuck processing the past. just when i think God has had it 'up to here' with me...he reminds me of his present (and incomprehensible) grace.

what oswald says:

"Our present enjoyment of God’s grace tends to be lessened by the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual growth for our future. God reminds us of the past to protect us from a very shallow security in the present.

Security for Tomorrow.
". . . the Lord will go before you . . . ." This is a gracious revelation— that God will send His forces out where we have failed to do so. He will keep watch so that we will not be tripped up again by the same failures, as would undoubtedly happen if He were not our "rear guard." And God’s hand reaches back to the past, settling all the claims against our conscience.

Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him."

thanksgiving quotes thus far...

"you know, you kind of exhibited some signs of autism as a baby...but you still turned out okay...." -aunt nancy, referring to me.

"listen! this thing is like a mobile home!!! you have to move it SLOWLY!" -chan, referring to moving our gingerbread masterpiece

"how can you eat all this candy?" -mom, as she stuffs peanut m&m's into her mouth.

:)

crashing down in nashville

somedays i wonder what the heck i am doing here.

that sounds strange....i know i need to be here right now. i know i needed to get out of charleston for a while and have a fresh start for once. nashville is an amazing city and there are a lot of amazing people here. i just haven't quite found my place yet in all of this.

i feel sort of lost.


These back steps are steeper to the ground
The brightest stars are falling down
I’m walking the edge, walking the tightest rope
We can be frank, reality rips on through, rolling like a hurricane
I’m over the bridge and under the rain
If everything’s falling, if everything’s changed
If I’m in the open, if I’m in the way

What am I doing here
If you’re not with me
What have I got to live for,
if it’s just my own dream

Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
When gravity’s pulling, you’re still holding my heart
You come crashing down
Crashing down
These four walls are closing in on me
The talk is louder than I’ll sing
I want to be there,
want to be where you are but you know it all,
Every look and smile that aren’t meant to break
I’m over the bridge and under the rain
If everything’s falling, if everything’s changed
If I’m in the open, if I’m in the way

What am I doing here
If you’re not with me
What have I got to live for, if it’s just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
When gravity’s pulling, you’re still holding my heart

You come crashing down
Crashing down
And you say that everything is different,
why don’t we just hold on
And you say that everything is different, why don’t we just hold on
Crashing down

-Mat Kearney

*side note: what is funny is that i am sitting in a coffee shop looking at mat kearney while i am writing this. apparently this is where the cool people hang out.

wally world "helping" china after the earthquake

http://www.corpwatch.org/article.php?id=15039

so apparently walmart donated money to help the people of china after the earthquake.
the problem is, they donated the amount of money they make in 20 minutes.
But from that 20 minutes they got weeks of PR coverage by patting themselves on the back. Of course... they forgot to mention all the Chinese people forced to work in Walmart sweatshops so we can "save money and live better."

just something to think about.

i think i need to be more aware about what my money is supporting when i buy things.

wisdom from mr. chambers

"So often we impair God's designed influence, which He desires to exhibit through us, because of our own conscious efforts to be consistent and useful. Jesus said there is only one way to develop and grow spiritually, and that is through focusing and concentrating on God." -Oswald



...why is this so hard to actually put into practice everyday? sometimes i think we (I) overcomplicate things that are meant to be simple.

adventures of moving to nashvegas

felt very grown up this week because:

1. I rented/drove a uhaul truck by myself in a new city (and didn't wreck) and moved a couch and a loveseat from one house to another...all without the help of my dad!
(granted, we did have to get the help of the cable repairman who happened to be next door, but that is totally different). :)

2. Casey and I drilled several big holes into the wall to correctly hang some rather difficult roman shades. Nobody lost any limbs and the blinds were level! Who says girls can't use power tools?

2008 To Do List (The year of adventure!)

-Drive Hwy 1: check
-Hike the Redwoods: check
-Drink Coffee in Seattle: check
-Drink Beer at a Microbrewery: check (Portland)
-Move to a Random New City: check (Nashville-July 17)
-Have quality time with all my friends before I move to above mentioned city: in progress
-Random Road Trip with my sister: check
-Buy a new car, myself: check
-Volunteer at Homeless Shelter: check
-Stop having to go the bloodsucking doctor every 2 weeks: check!(i'm down to every 3 months).
-Finish Reading the 5 books beside my bed: in progress
-Finish college scrapbook: check (2 years after graduating)
-Stop eating processed food: harder than I thought.
-Write a Book: way harder than i thought.
-Backpack through Europe (okay..realistically maybe 2009 or 2010)
-Re-learn all the spanish I forgot
-Take a photography class (hopefully October at Ai Nashville)
-Hike in the Mountains of TN
-Memorizing scripture: i am sucking at this so far this year. in progress.
-Live like I really love Jesus: some days yes, some days unfortunately no. we'll say in progress.

so much to do, so little time.....

superlatives

just a few brief highlights of the trip:

-Most beautiful location: tie between the Smith River NRA in Norcal and the Columbia River Gorge in Oregon. Look them up. You should go there.

-Proudest of their alcohol: Portland. These people are very serious about beer. Very serious. It was good, and a lot of people I met here were pretty intoxicated as a result of how good it was.

-Weird weather Award: San Francisco. They should take the "windy city" title away from Chicago because this place has wind gusts that will knock you off your feet. And it knocks the temperature down about 20 degrees as well.

-Healthiest food: San Fran. These people know their fruits and veggies like no other. I have never seen more tofu in my life.

-Most likely place to smell Marijuana: Anywhere in San Fran. Healthy food, unhealthy smoking habits.

-Most unusual law: The state of Oregon. You aren't allowed to pump your own gas anywhere in the state. In the good ol' state of Oregon, they have gas attendants to do it for you. We figured this out by attempting to do it ourselves and getting screamed at for a few minutes. If you are in a hurry to get gas, you are out of luck. Try another state.

-Most likely to get in trouble for throwing your water bottle in the wrong bin: Oregon. These people are serious about their recycling...most restaurants have several bins for garbage and various categories of recycling. Which is cool. And sometimes confusing.

-Most likely place for people to get high off the sun instead of their coffee: Seattle. I have never seen people more excited about a sunny day. People were going nuts. Of course, their excitement could have been exaggerated due to the fact that just about everyone is walking around with some form of caffeine in their hand 24 hours a day. And yes, there is a Starbucks on every corner.

-Black hole award: Eugene, Oregon. Although there is very little to do here, everyone we met apparently came to visit at some point and just never left. Now they work random jobs and hang out at bars and talk about what they would do if they ever did leave.

-State that is secretly populating the earth: Texas. Yep, everywhere I went I met people from Austin/San Antonio/Dallas/Denton/Houston Texas. Planes, restaurants, hostels...you people are everywhere- except for Texas.

-Most likely to get run over by a bike: Tie between Portland and Seattle. I think I saw more bikes than cars...and due to the very steep hills they definitely can go pretty fast. so you better move out of their way.

-Most likely to run into an activist (of any kind): Portland. In one afternoon I got stopped about 4 or 5 times by various people trying to get me to sign petitions. "Excuse me, would you like to help me save the ancient forests?" was probably my favorite. These people are serious about having causes. Cardboard cutouts of Obama were ducktaped around various historical statues around the city. Who needs Lewis and Clark anyway?

norcal and oregon...

cannot begin to express how beautiful it is here so far. i just can't. these pictures don't even come close.

kierkegaard

recently I read some writings by Soren Kierkegaard. He definitely has some very strong opinions about the mediocrity of Christianity in the “modern age” (‘modern’ considering he wrote in 1800s Denmark ha)
some things I found interesting:

“how wretched and miserable it is to find in a person many good intentions but few good deeds.”

“it is only all too easy to understand the requirements contained in God’s Word (“Give all your goods to the poor.” “If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the left.” “If anyone takes your coat, let him have your cloak also.” “Rejoice always.” “Count it as sheer joy when you meet various temptations” etc.) The most ignorant, poor creature cannot honestly deny being able to understand God’s requirements. But it is tough on the flesh to will to understand it and then to act accordingly. Herein lies the problem. It is not a question of interpretation, but action.”

“Nowadays we can become or live as Christians in the most pleasant way and without ever risking the slightest possibility of offense. All we have to do is start with the status quo and observe good virtues. We can continue to make our lives comfortable by scraping together the world’s goods, as long as we stir into the pot what is Christian as a seasoning, an ingredient that almost serves to refine our enjoyment of life. This kind of Christianity is but a religious variation of the world’s unbelief…”

“We could at least be truthful before God and admit our weakness instead of reducing the requirements.”

“A revolutionary age is an age of action; ours is the age of advertisement and publicity.”

“Our age is without passion. Everyone knows a great deal, we all know which way we ought to go and all the different ways we can go, but nobody is really willing to move.”

"the gamecocks crippled kenny chesney!!"

so rock star friend melissa scored us some free tickets to the kenny chesney/brooks & dunn/leann rimes/gary allen/luke bryan/every other country star concert in cola last weekend. despite the nausea i got from the red and black everywhere, the only time i would set foot in williams brice (other then when clemson is killing carolina) would be a free concert.

now, country concerts are always an experience....but when you have a concert that is from 4pm until, and people start drinking when the sun comes up it always makes a memorable event.
despite the long walks to and from the car (we got up to the entrance where melissa got informed her camera was 'too big.' i had three strikes against me by trying to bring in a camera, an umbrella and an "oversized bag." (of course the bag was big! it had to fit my giant forbidden camera!). so we ditched everything except some cash and our sunglasses and tried again.

when we finally got inside to our seats, the show only got better as the night went on. and by show, i am not referring about the country singers but the drunk people sitting around us.
case in point:
2 rows down, drunken girl passes out and has to be carried out by the paramedics. i mean, she is GONE by 5:30pm. drunk lady next to me starts taking pictures and tells me, "i am going to put this in my scrapbook" in the most obnoxious drunk country accent possible. her friend leans over to me and says, "if she was my friend and she wasn't dead, i would kill her! those tickets were $90! ....but she might be dead already." i look at melissa, trying not to laugh because i am afraid that if i do they might try to kill ME and then i would be the next one taken out on a stretcher.

hours later, kenny chesney finally comes on, only to have his foot crushed by the rising platform he was supposed to enter on. half the stadium didn't know what happened because of the 10 coronas they each had consumed in the past few hours. he proceeded to hobble around for the rest of the night, taking breaks periodically to hide behind his guitarists keeled over in pain. despite a broken foot, he put on a pretty good show. leave it to the gamecocks to cripple a country star. maybe next time he'll play in death valley instead.

and then i found five dollars.


no, really i did.