"The very scary thing about religion, to me, is that people actually believe God is who they think he is. By that I mean they have Him all figured out, mapped out...It makes me wonder if God created us in His image or if we created Him in ours." -donald miller
hmmm...interesting that we often create ridiculously screwed up, although usually convenient, versions of God in our heads. How many times when we pray do we tell him what we think he should be like and what he should do in our lives....that really he doesn't understand and he's doing it all wrong.
sometimes we forget we serve a mighty, passionate, jealous, loving, all powerful, holy, patient, strong, creative, genius sort of God.
and if we haven't forgotten, how come we aren't living like we know that?
Monday, November 27, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
i know its not thanksgiving yet,
but in honor of the christmas spirit....i have a question.
what is a sugarplum?
is this a real actual food/candy item?
has anyone ever actually eaten or seen this infamous christmasy entity?
if so....is it good? have i been missing out?
and.......is it more of a sugary plum or plum flavored sugar?
what is a sugarplum?
is this a real actual food/candy item?
has anyone ever actually eaten or seen this infamous christmasy entity?
if so....is it good? have i been missing out?
and.......is it more of a sugary plum or plum flavored sugar?
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Saturday, November 11, 2006
workin 9 to 5 (and then some)
God is so cool.
not only do i have a job, but i have a job that i didn't technically apply for, and its a job that couldn't be better designed for me! If i would have known that this was coming along, i could have saved a LOT of time not having to fill out 357,952.844 resumes and cover letters. but maybe that was to make me more appreciative once i did get this job. hmm.
i am now the volunteer coordinator for carolina hospice care.
basically i get to:
-recruit and train volunteers, and then match them up with the right patients based on their gifts and personalities.
-hang out with patients
-plan events/ marketing stuff
-do whatever anybody else tells me to do :)
some days i wonder if its true that i really get paid for this. so far i have gotten to dress up for a therapy dog halloween parade at musc childrens hospital, go to the fair for our booth to give stuff away at senior day (aka old people trick or treating for pens and plastic cups), plan two wine and cheese parties, and the best part....go visit a lot of our patients.
i think i might have the coolest job ever.
not only do i have a job, but i have a job that i didn't technically apply for, and its a job that couldn't be better designed for me! If i would have known that this was coming along, i could have saved a LOT of time not having to fill out 357,952.844 resumes and cover letters. but maybe that was to make me more appreciative once i did get this job. hmm.
i am now the volunteer coordinator for carolina hospice care.
basically i get to:
-recruit and train volunteers, and then match them up with the right patients based on their gifts and personalities.
-hang out with patients
-plan events/ marketing stuff
-do whatever anybody else tells me to do :)
some days i wonder if its true that i really get paid for this. so far i have gotten to dress up for a therapy dog halloween parade at musc childrens hospital, go to the fair for our booth to give stuff away at senior day (aka old people trick or treating for pens and plastic cups), plan two wine and cheese parties, and the best part....go visit a lot of our patients.
i think i might have the coolest job ever.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
tiaras and plastic high heels can make a girl's day
this morning i saw something wonderful.
two little girls walked into a restaurant with their mom, completely decked out in sparkly princess costumes, tiaras atop tangled hair, and plastic dress up shoes. they proudly pranced in, completely unaware and unconcerned with the various reactions of everyone else in the restaurant.
many people (including our table) laughed or smiled, although i noticed a few dissaproving stares from people who clearly thought it was a ridiculous decision and/or poor parenting for the mom to let her kids out of the house like this. secretly i think part of me wanted to go shake those people.
i don't really care if the mom lost a battle with the little girls over getting dressed this morning or whether she actually encouraged the girls to dress up for their morning out. whether it was purposeful or not, i think it was a great decision. their excitement at wanting to show the world how special they were struck a chord in me. i think all girls want to know we are beautiful....that is probably why we like to get dressed up.
they made me smile because they reminded me of how little girls are by nature so secure in their beauty and confident in the belief that they are made to be princesses. its like it is instictively build into our very spirit. God made our hearts to work this way! ...sadly, after years of being hurt, rejected, taunted, or abandoned, the world strips us of our confidence, telling us we are too fat, too short, too stupid, or too weak. we are told that we are just like everybody else. bitterness and insecurity make us doubt that we are anything special...that we deserve to be loved.
and all the while God is gently trying to whisper to us how beautiful he thinks we are, how much he values us, how we are princesses and heirs to his kindgom. the King is enthralled by our beauty.
God whispered that to me today, and i am grateful.
two little girls walked into a restaurant with their mom, completely decked out in sparkly princess costumes, tiaras atop tangled hair, and plastic dress up shoes. they proudly pranced in, completely unaware and unconcerned with the various reactions of everyone else in the restaurant.
many people (including our table) laughed or smiled, although i noticed a few dissaproving stares from people who clearly thought it was a ridiculous decision and/or poor parenting for the mom to let her kids out of the house like this. secretly i think part of me wanted to go shake those people.
i don't really care if the mom lost a battle with the little girls over getting dressed this morning or whether she actually encouraged the girls to dress up for their morning out. whether it was purposeful or not, i think it was a great decision. their excitement at wanting to show the world how special they were struck a chord in me. i think all girls want to know we are beautiful....that is probably why we like to get dressed up.
they made me smile because they reminded me of how little girls are by nature so secure in their beauty and confident in the belief that they are made to be princesses. its like it is instictively build into our very spirit. God made our hearts to work this way! ...sadly, after years of being hurt, rejected, taunted, or abandoned, the world strips us of our confidence, telling us we are too fat, too short, too stupid, or too weak. we are told that we are just like everybody else. bitterness and insecurity make us doubt that we are anything special...that we deserve to be loved.
and all the while God is gently trying to whisper to us how beautiful he thinks we are, how much he values us, how we are princesses and heirs to his kindgom. the King is enthralled by our beauty.
God whispered that to me today, and i am grateful.
Monday, October 16, 2006
but he talks like a gentleman
"You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he comes
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when
you were young"
-the killers
interesting how we sometimes compromise our standards for simply "nice guys" because we are lonely and afraid that nothing better will come along....
yet its a constant battle to make ourselves (myself) understand and really live like we believe that, while someone may compliment your personality very nicely, no other person will ever be perfect enough to complete us - otherwise why would we need jesus?
such a delicate line between having legitimate spiritual expectations for a relationship and extending grace and understanding for the sin and failings that are present in all human beings.....
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he comes
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when
you were young"
-the killers
interesting how we sometimes compromise our standards for simply "nice guys" because we are lonely and afraid that nothing better will come along....
yet its a constant battle to make ourselves (myself) understand and really live like we believe that, while someone may compliment your personality very nicely, no other person will ever be perfect enough to complete us - otherwise why would we need jesus?
such a delicate line between having legitimate spiritual expectations for a relationship and extending grace and understanding for the sin and failings that are present in all human beings.....
Sunday, October 01, 2006
working on finding some work
so its been a looooooooooooong time.
sorry.
the only excuse i have to offer is that i have been distracted by the extremely time consuming process of finding a job.
really, it takes an awful lot of work to find a good place to work. so far, i probably have written, oh...about...537,246 cover letters/resumes. i even applied for random jobs i found on the internet that i am extremely NOT qualified for...just to see if they emailed me back.
i think i feel pressured to find something that, well...fits. not only because this will be my first "real" job...but also because i don't think i could handle wasting my life away doing something that i don't agree with or feel passionate about. also i am tired of being asked what i do for a living and having to respond, "well thats a good question.." i think its funny that so much of what we consider our identity is wrapped up in what kind of job we have. but strangely, i feel....sort of lost....without this part of me being fulfilled. its not a lack of purpose...more of a lack of routine maybe?
i guess i am slowly narrowing down my options....for instance, during these past few weeks of interviewing/applying i have realized that God did not make me to work in a large corporate environment. yuck. just going into some of these offices drained a few years off my life i think...these interviews consisted of me outwardly smiling and nodding while the person tried to convince me that i could be very happy in a grey forest of cubicles, while inside my head i'm thinking "RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
we'll see what this weeks interviews bring.....say a prayer for me! :)
sorry.
the only excuse i have to offer is that i have been distracted by the extremely time consuming process of finding a job.
really, it takes an awful lot of work to find a good place to work. so far, i probably have written, oh...about...537,246 cover letters/resumes. i even applied for random jobs i found on the internet that i am extremely NOT qualified for...just to see if they emailed me back.
i think i feel pressured to find something that, well...fits. not only because this will be my first "real" job...but also because i don't think i could handle wasting my life away doing something that i don't agree with or feel passionate about. also i am tired of being asked what i do for a living and having to respond, "well thats a good question.." i think its funny that so much of what we consider our identity is wrapped up in what kind of job we have. but strangely, i feel....sort of lost....without this part of me being fulfilled. its not a lack of purpose...more of a lack of routine maybe?
i guess i am slowly narrowing down my options....for instance, during these past few weeks of interviewing/applying i have realized that God did not make me to work in a large corporate environment. yuck. just going into some of these offices drained a few years off my life i think...these interviews consisted of me outwardly smiling and nodding while the person tried to convince me that i could be very happy in a grey forest of cubicles, while inside my head i'm thinking "RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
we'll see what this weeks interviews bring.....say a prayer for me! :)
Saturday, September 09, 2006
we have the best neighbors
exhibit A: the lady who lives next door pushes her dog around in a stroller, inside a shoebox, with upside down hangers for safety rails in case the dog should try and.... leap out or something.
i don't know.
maybe she's afraid the dog will get dirty if it walks on the ground?
well, linds and i have seen this lady many times and its really hard to explain the hilarousness of this to other people. so we thought it would be a great idea for me to take a picture of it.
mainly to prove to people that this lady really did exist and that we weren't just making it up.
i have made several previous unsuccessful attempts scrambling to get my camera on days that we spotted her out our kitchen window. however, a few weeks ago i saw her coming from a distance and i was ready. so, trying to be very sneaky-like, i took the picture from inside my room looking out the window....problem was, my stupid flash went off and i think she might have gotten a little suspicious because she started looking around everywhere. oh well.
if i don't get a job soon, then i think i might try and be her friend and we can both walk....or rather stroll...the dog together. or maybe i'll go get a dog and just start strolling it around myself. we'll see what the week holds. :)
Sunday, August 20, 2006
having ninja adventures...
...at midnight in clemson is always interesting.
somehow bill and kyle convinced me and lauren to go on the above mentioned sort of "adventure" this weekend. all we were told is that it would involve some climbing and having to dress in black...which made us a little skeptical at first, we did end up having lots of fun.
and while i won't go into too many details because i really don't know who reads this...i will just say that we got to see some great views of campus that we probably weren't supposed to see. :)
ssshhhh....its a secret
me and lauren holding tillman...kinda
me and my peter pan shadow!....this was real cool and fun
Sunday, August 13, 2006
time for a job
so....in the upcoming weeks i am working on getting some sort of job.
full time, part time, temporary, whatever...i am pretty open.
interestingly enough, i am trying to secure a job that is more ... ministry/counseling/grief/nonprofit/service type related rather than advertising/marketing related.
basically i feel the need to work with people and not design advertisements in a high-stress corporate environment. some people are gifted and called to do this. i realized i am not.
if i haven't talked with you recently, the quick explanation is that God has changed my heart a lot over this past year and he is slowly reminding/revealing to me that my passion always was (and still is) encouragement and helping those who are hurting (spiritually, emotionally, financially, or health-related).
I am not sure what exactly this type of work will look like yet, but I am researching a lot of options right now. I am in much prayer about it and i would appreciate your prayers (and/or career suggestions...haha) as well.
after this year, i have faith that God will make his purpose ever clearer in the days ahead.
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation..." Psalm 5:3
full time, part time, temporary, whatever...i am pretty open.
interestingly enough, i am trying to secure a job that is more ... ministry/counseling/grief/nonprofit/service type related rather than advertising/marketing related.
basically i feel the need to work with people and not design advertisements in a high-stress corporate environment. some people are gifted and called to do this. i realized i am not.
if i haven't talked with you recently, the quick explanation is that God has changed my heart a lot over this past year and he is slowly reminding/revealing to me that my passion always was (and still is) encouragement and helping those who are hurting (spiritually, emotionally, financially, or health-related).
I am not sure what exactly this type of work will look like yet, but I am researching a lot of options right now. I am in much prayer about it and i would appreciate your prayers (and/or career suggestions...haha) as well.
after this year, i have faith that God will make his purpose ever clearer in the days ahead.
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation..." Psalm 5:3
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Getting sized up
so quick little note about the (strange) highlight of my week:
in my doctor's visit a few days ago, they put me in the exam room RIGHT next to the scale AND left my door open.
I was very close to the scale....as in, the scale is against the wall beside the open doorway to my room. So, this...arrangement...thus enabled me to hear every comment of the people who walked past my door and got weighed in.
most of which were hilarious.
some of my favorite comments:
"well crap. that's awful high. hang on let me take off my hat." ---old man with a baseball cap.
"are you sure you are doing that right? do it again." [noise of nurse slowly sliding the scale again.] "well, i know what i weigh and it is NOT that. so you must be doing it wrong. here, let me do it. "[lots and lots of noise of the woman messing with the scale] "oh nevermind...is it really that important?" ---50ish year old lady
"oh my. do you think i'm shrinking?" ---really tiny old lady
"honey, i am way too old to be worrying about that anymore. i'm just happy i can still walk." ---really, really, really old man
in my doctor's visit a few days ago, they put me in the exam room RIGHT next to the scale AND left my door open.
I was very close to the scale....as in, the scale is against the wall beside the open doorway to my room. So, this...arrangement...thus enabled me to hear every comment of the people who walked past my door and got weighed in.
most of which were hilarious.
some of my favorite comments:
"well crap. that's awful high. hang on let me take off my hat." ---old man with a baseball cap.
"are you sure you are doing that right? do it again." [noise of nurse slowly sliding the scale again.] "well, i know what i weigh and it is NOT that. so you must be doing it wrong. here, let me do it. "[lots and lots of noise of the woman messing with the scale] "oh nevermind...is it really that important?" ---50ish year old lady
"oh my. do you think i'm shrinking?" ---really tiny old lady
"honey, i am way too old to be worrying about that anymore. i'm just happy i can still walk." ---really, really, really old man
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
weekend update
went to the doctor on friday and as always, i made friends with some random people which were a huge blessing in my day.
here's the news:
over the next 6 months, the strong dose of radiation that I recently recieved will kill off the remaining thyroid cells in my throat (cancerous and non-cancerous). i will be on my thyroid pills for the next 6 months and then I will stop them again to get scanned/checked at the end of january. Then based on whatever they find then determines the next step, if I'll get checked a year later, etc. etc. for several years.
with thyroid cancer, there is no real black and white, "cured, not cured, cancer free, in remission" type of terminology...at least not for a few years. what they can tell me is that they "expect" me to make a full recovery...sometime... eventually.
it makes me laugh because the poor stressed out doctors can't give anybody straight answers because they really are doing the best they can, but they don't know how the human body is going to react and they have to cover all the bases so they don't get fired or messed up in some nasty red tape for telling somebody the wrong thing. Sometimes I want to tell them that no matter what they tell me, that God is in control of whether I am miraculously healed tomorrow or whether we all are killed in the next 5 seconds....so really they can just do their jobs to the best of their ability and relax because ultimately someone else has the final say in what happens in life.
pretty much as soon as I finish getting adjusted to my medicine (another 2, 3ish weeks?) I should basically try to resume "normal" life and not worry about it until the end of january! God is asking me to faith it for 6 more months. And after the tremendous blessing of everything that has happened this year, I have no problem with trusting him with my health and everything else. :)
also this weekend, we all had the pleasure to send off sally katherine in style to serve in Central Asia for 2 years. leigh and i were lucky enough to get to distract her for the weekend while everyone else prepared for her surprise party (i will post pictures soon)....which was a surpise indeed, both for sally katherine, and for all of us in a way. whitney and emily did an amazing job orchestrating a great time of prayer and love and God's presence was definitely there.
you want to meet someone with a lot of faith? well she is blonde and about 5'2'' and she is about to burst because she is fulfilling God's purpose for her life in overseas missions in just a few more days. she inspires me to keep going. i love you sk. and we are all praying for you.
here's the news:
over the next 6 months, the strong dose of radiation that I recently recieved will kill off the remaining thyroid cells in my throat (cancerous and non-cancerous). i will be on my thyroid pills for the next 6 months and then I will stop them again to get scanned/checked at the end of january. Then based on whatever they find then determines the next step, if I'll get checked a year later, etc. etc. for several years.
with thyroid cancer, there is no real black and white, "cured, not cured, cancer free, in remission" type of terminology...at least not for a few years. what they can tell me is that they "expect" me to make a full recovery...sometime... eventually.
it makes me laugh because the poor stressed out doctors can't give anybody straight answers because they really are doing the best they can, but they don't know how the human body is going to react and they have to cover all the bases so they don't get fired or messed up in some nasty red tape for telling somebody the wrong thing. Sometimes I want to tell them that no matter what they tell me, that God is in control of whether I am miraculously healed tomorrow or whether we all are killed in the next 5 seconds....so really they can just do their jobs to the best of their ability and relax because ultimately someone else has the final say in what happens in life.
pretty much as soon as I finish getting adjusted to my medicine (another 2, 3ish weeks?) I should basically try to resume "normal" life and not worry about it until the end of january! God is asking me to faith it for 6 more months. And after the tremendous blessing of everything that has happened this year, I have no problem with trusting him with my health and everything else. :)
also this weekend, we all had the pleasure to send off sally katherine in style to serve in Central Asia for 2 years. leigh and i were lucky enough to get to distract her for the weekend while everyone else prepared for her surprise party (i will post pictures soon)....which was a surpise indeed, both for sally katherine, and for all of us in a way. whitney and emily did an amazing job orchestrating a great time of prayer and love and God's presence was definitely there.
you want to meet someone with a lot of faith? well she is blonde and about 5'2'' and she is about to burst because she is fulfilling God's purpose for her life in overseas missions in just a few more days. she inspires me to keep going. i love you sk. and we are all praying for you.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
something is coming but I don't know what
God is doing amazing things...crazy things. I don't know what else to say except it is weird and cool and beautiful and its all I can do to keep up...
"Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5
I keep telling mom I'm not going crazy.
But truthfully I am delerious with wonder most of the time.
"Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5
I keep telling mom I'm not going crazy.
But truthfully I am delerious with wonder most of the time.
Monday, July 24, 2006
good...night....i hope.
"She lay in bed all night watching the colors change
She lay in bed all night watching the morning change
She lay in bed all night watching the morning change into green and gold
The doctor told her years ago that she was ill
The doctor told her years ago to take a pill"
-belle and sebastian
for some reason this was hilarious to me considering that right now adjusting to my thyroid medicine is really affecting my sleeping schedule and/or routine. : )
thats all.
She lay in bed all night watching the morning change
She lay in bed all night watching the morning change into green and gold
The doctor told her years ago that she was ill
The doctor told her years ago to take a pill"
-belle and sebastian
for some reason this was hilarious to me considering that right now adjusting to my thyroid medicine is really affecting my sleeping schedule and/or routine. : )
thats all.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
free at last
i have been let out of my room!
i still have to be careful until i get scanned tomorrow about washing my hands, staying away from people, etc. but starting tomorrow i can rejoin society :)
(which means dad can stop running around singing "danger! she's radioactive!..." and mom can stop refering to me as her "little glow-worm")
and, hopefully in about 3 weeks (after i start my thyroid medicine and it adjusts), i will be normal aly once again.
my time in seclusion was very....spiritually...enlightening ?....i would say.
i went into it with the expectant attitude of hearing from God, and he certainly did not fail to show up (which, when we slow down enough to actually listen to him and be quiet...he can reveal some really cool things).
these past 3 days, i have done a LOT of reading....the Word, books, my journals, sermon notes......from the past year or so of my life...listening to music...and praying and listening for God to bring me purpose and understanding from this past year and for my life now that I am hopefully getting better.
which he did.
i threw out a lot of lies and insecurities and confusion that i wrote and believed about others...and God...and myself. they went into that little radioactive trashcan and are probably already burned up along with everything else i touched :) it was fabulously... freeing.
so....my spirit and body are healing together i guess.
my mom and i recently talked about the fact that i haven't been normal, non-medicated, not-sick ...Aly... in about a year.
a year.
that is a long long time to be gone. i have struggled this year in sorting out what is really my personality and what is a medicated strange version of myself.
*i have extremely loving close friends (both new and old) and family that have loved me and suffered alongside this big year of changes for me. i love you all for your prayers and understanding and patience through the tiredness, the tears, and the medicine. you know who you are and i want you to know i love you.*
but i know it has taken everything this past year to rip off some much needed layers of....well....crap...to be honest. i don't question anything that has happened to me because God has shown me numerous times this year how these hard things have been really....GOOD.
and God has blessed me INCREDIBLY by providing these insane experiences to teach me some very good things about Him, about others, and about myself....and my time of intense solitude provided me time with to reflect on these things. i don't regret them.
in about 3 weeks i'll be back. some of you that i have met recently have never even known the real Aly.
i miss her.
but she's coming back and "better than ever" haha.
i can't wait. :)
i still have to be careful until i get scanned tomorrow about washing my hands, staying away from people, etc. but starting tomorrow i can rejoin society :)
(which means dad can stop running around singing "danger! she's radioactive!..." and mom can stop refering to me as her "little glow-worm")
and, hopefully in about 3 weeks (after i start my thyroid medicine and it adjusts), i will be normal aly once again.
my time in seclusion was very....spiritually...enlightening ?....i would say.
i went into it with the expectant attitude of hearing from God, and he certainly did not fail to show up (which, when we slow down enough to actually listen to him and be quiet...he can reveal some really cool things).
these past 3 days, i have done a LOT of reading....the Word, books, my journals, sermon notes......from the past year or so of my life...listening to music...and praying and listening for God to bring me purpose and understanding from this past year and for my life now that I am hopefully getting better.
which he did.
i threw out a lot of lies and insecurities and confusion that i wrote and believed about others...and God...and myself. they went into that little radioactive trashcan and are probably already burned up along with everything else i touched :) it was fabulously... freeing.
so....my spirit and body are healing together i guess.
my mom and i recently talked about the fact that i haven't been normal, non-medicated, not-sick ...Aly... in about a year.
a year.
that is a long long time to be gone. i have struggled this year in sorting out what is really my personality and what is a medicated strange version of myself.
*i have extremely loving close friends (both new and old) and family that have loved me and suffered alongside this big year of changes for me. i love you all for your prayers and understanding and patience through the tiredness, the tears, and the medicine. you know who you are and i want you to know i love you.*
but i know it has taken everything this past year to rip off some much needed layers of....well....crap...to be honest. i don't question anything that has happened to me because God has shown me numerous times this year how these hard things have been really....GOOD.
and God has blessed me INCREDIBLY by providing these insane experiences to teach me some very good things about Him, about others, and about myself....and my time of intense solitude provided me time with to reflect on these things. i don't regret them.
in about 3 weeks i'll be back. some of you that i have met recently have never even known the real Aly.
i miss her.
but she's coming back and "better than ever" haha.
i can't wait. :)
Sunday, July 16, 2006
my big plastic paradise
i'm out!
well sort of.
out of the hospital. but i'm still secluded in my room at home, which no one can come into really for a few more days. i can open the door and talk to people, but pretty much i'm still pretty isolated.
my time in the hospital officially started when i got dropped off in my plastic room. momma laughed and so did i. (see pictures). the room was sort of like a really clean...big...plastic...prison of sorts. except no sketchy cell mate. and pretty much i was told to avoid touching anything that was not covered in saran wrap looking plastic.
after she dropped me off, i put on my gown and then the doctor came in and had a big, radioactive box, pulled out a pill in a glass vial with a pair of tongs, and told me to swallow the pill but to only touch the glass vial while doing it.
i followed instructions and then she threw the glass vial back in the box, measured me with a gun....
thing...
which reminded me of that little box they used on ghostbusters. then she shut the two sets of doors and left.
and no one came in for a loooong time.
to my dismay, i didn't glow in the dark...or anything remotely interesting (no ninja turtle skills). i really feel no different except for a really bad sore throat (which my doctor told me was normal).
they gave me food by a little system. they would announce that my [breakfast, lunch, etc.] was there and to make sure i was away from the outermost door. then they would come in the outside door, drop off the food in the little hallway area, tap on the innermost door to let me know, and leave. then i could go out into this little enclosed inbetween area and get my food, and then go back inside the innermost door. (does that make sense?) i couldn't ever open the outside door b/c i would leak out...or something.
when my doctor came to check on me to let me out, she scanned me, told me it would be a few more hours, and then came back and checked me again, had me signed some paperwork, and that was it. no one could come in my room until it was detoxed by some physicist after i left. and i had to walk way far away from everyone and momma drove me home and shut me up in my room. so here i am.
my time in the hospital (and now at home) was not bad.
strangely, it was almost ...nice.
i slept. i had no IV, no nurses taking my blood, and they brought me food (which momma is still currently having to do). i had/am having some much needed quality time with God (more details on this perhaps another day), listening to music, doing some things for myself for once (meaning arts/crafts) and taking.........lets call it ...a sabbatical.
here are some pictures that will provide not only proof for this bizarre experience, but hopefully some laughs. :)
doorway to my room! 
my big plastic covered room!
well sort of.
out of the hospital. but i'm still secluded in my room at home, which no one can come into really for a few more days. i can open the door and talk to people, but pretty much i'm still pretty isolated.
my time in the hospital officially started when i got dropped off in my plastic room. momma laughed and so did i. (see pictures). the room was sort of like a really clean...big...plastic...prison of sorts. except no sketchy cell mate. and pretty much i was told to avoid touching anything that was not covered in saran wrap looking plastic.
after she dropped me off, i put on my gown and then the doctor came in and had a big, radioactive box, pulled out a pill in a glass vial with a pair of tongs, and told me to swallow the pill but to only touch the glass vial while doing it.
i followed instructions and then she threw the glass vial back in the box, measured me with a gun....
thing...
which reminded me of that little box they used on ghostbusters. then she shut the two sets of doors and left.
and no one came in for a loooong time.
to my dismay, i didn't glow in the dark...or anything remotely interesting (no ninja turtle skills). i really feel no different except for a really bad sore throat (which my doctor told me was normal).
they gave me food by a little system. they would announce that my [breakfast, lunch, etc.] was there and to make sure i was away from the outermost door. then they would come in the outside door, drop off the food in the little hallway area, tap on the innermost door to let me know, and leave. then i could go out into this little enclosed inbetween area and get my food, and then go back inside the innermost door. (does that make sense?) i couldn't ever open the outside door b/c i would leak out...or something.
when my doctor came to check on me to let me out, she scanned me, told me it would be a few more hours, and then came back and checked me again, had me signed some paperwork, and that was it. no one could come in my room until it was detoxed by some physicist after i left. and i had to walk way far away from everyone and momma drove me home and shut me up in my room. so here i am.
my time in the hospital (and now at home) was not bad.
strangely, it was almost ...nice.
i slept. i had no IV, no nurses taking my blood, and they brought me food (which momma is still currently having to do). i had/am having some much needed quality time with God (more details on this perhaps another day), listening to music, doing some things for myself for once (meaning arts/crafts) and taking.........lets call it ...a sabbatical.
here are some pictures that will provide not only proof for this bizarre experience, but hopefully some laughs. :)
doorway to my room! 
yep. that's for my trash and linens.
my big plastic covered room! 
lazyboy anyone?
my phone and remote (these proved my biggest difficulty during my stay. i couldn't hear anyone on the phone and i had a really hard time reading the buttons on the remote. so after about an hour or so, i just didn't watch tv) :)
now, does this look like the face of someone who is radioactive? apparently it is.
my sink. 
yep. even the light switches and doorhandles were covered in plastic. :)
overall, this was and is continuing to be a funny/weird experience. i'm pretty sure this is real...but still i wonder, is this really my life?
Thursday, July 13, 2006
aren't you glad i didn't email this one?
some days i have the weirdest life.
so i went in on monday to the doctor and got some pretty great news as a result of the trial radiation dose and scan that i had last week! last week they gave me a pill and a few days later i got strapped down like a mummy in a machine to scan me for 30-45 min ....it had little lasers to detect just how close it could get to me without actually touching me. it got REAL close. and despite the fake clouds that they had carefully painted on the ceiling, the doctor suggested that i close my eyes. good idea.
on monday they told me the cancer hasn't really spread beyond my throat and they think one strong dose of radiation should take care of what is left. YAY.
i was supposed to get a pill, have to go home for the weekend and avoid people and then be done with it.
sounded simple enough to me, and despite some changes (see below), i feel extremely blessed that cancer is not eating me up from the inside out.
i realize that this is a result of MUCH prayer on YOUR parts. God has been so so so faithful to me through all of this and I cannot begin to express how much i have seen His love and hand through each and every one of you. your prayers and wisdom and words of encouragement amaze me.
so thank you. :) i love you.
well in my consult today things got a little bit ....more ....complicated...weird...funny..?
i started out in the cancer/radiation waiting room of the hospital which on a serious note, is a very sad place. everyone is burned in different places (most radiation does this to you...mine will not) and has little to no hair. mainly the hair loss is due to radiation/chemo (and no my hair will not fall out again thank goodness). but some of this is because they are all over 60 years old and have no hair anyway.
it reminded me a lot of my grandfather (who lost the battle to his thyroid cancer on Good Friday of this year, just a few days after I had my own thyroid tumor taken out). and how much loneliness and pain he must have felt sitting in a very similar waiting room like that every day for many many months. these people i looked at today had that same weariness in their faces. and it made me miss him.
i am reminded how blessed i am to only have to do this just one time when these people have to do it every day.
when they figured out that i was a patient too and was there for the same reason they were, i did get to make friends with some people over some hot chocolate and we exchanged stories about going bald. which made all of us laugh.
then i went in to see my new doctor (this makes #6 if you are keeping count haha)...she's great and i love her.
however, she determined that:
1. i am so hypothyroid i'm now off the chart and beyond the "high" number range haha (if you are a medical person you will understand this lol)
2. i now will be admitted to the hospital tomorrow (SURPRISE!) to get my radiation and have to stay in the hospital for 1-2 days in complete seclusion. i will be in a "wrapped" room (..."kind of like bubble boy" is how my doctor explained it) where literally everything is wrapped in plastic...stuff. they have to detox it when i leave ... strange.
since i will be a little human chernobyl for a day or two, i will have NO human contact (no nurses, no visitors, nada)....except for about 10 min. total or so where my doctor (who will be dressed in a special suit of some sort) will come in and scan my radioactivity level. ( i guess they slide my food through a little door maybe? haha...i will let you know how this works).
i can bring the clothes i have on, some books, toothbrush/etc. and my ipod (i had to beg for that).
thats it.
no cell phone, no computer. they are letting me use the hospital phone and the hospital tv. and apparently those are plastic coated as well.
then when i am let out, for the next 5-7 days i will be staying at mom and dad's house so i can have my own bathroom, dishes, etc. (which sadly destroys me and lindsey's original plan of having me walk the perimeter of the new house while i'm radioactive to kill off all the giant bugs...dang it.)
i have brought every art supply i own over to the house and i will have a week to paint, glue, scrapbook, scribble, organize and create in general.
i'm excited.
i even packed my painting pants. i know i'm weird.
RULES AND REGULATIONS:
*i CAN have visitors, but if you are going to be near me for more than a few minutes then you have to be about 4 or 5 feet away.
*i'm really supposed to mainly try and avoid pregnant people, children and/or midgets, and animals.
and sadly, no i'm not kidding. :) so if one of those categories applies to you, i'll see you in a week or so.
*i can go out in public, but my doctor suggest that i really limit this as much as i can.
*every day i'll be less and less radioactive, so if you are super paranoid and fear for your life....visit me at the end of the week......JUST KIDDING...i think?
5-7 days after my dose, i'll get scanned and hopefully get the go ahead by around next weekend sometime to start my medicine!!!!! then i'll get scanned again in 6-12 months to make sure no cancer has come back. but they are planning on knocking this whole thing out in one strong dose which i am very grateful for. so in a few weeks hopefully i will be adjusted to my new medicine and can once again resume normal social activity, energy level, and body temperature!!!!!
so.
i plan on using my major alone time in the hospital to have some much needed "father daughter" time (as deb calls it) with my jesus. if God had your undivided attention for 1-2 days with no distractions, think about how much he could teach you! i'm kind of excited. i am ready to hear his voice.
also i am curious to see if i will glow in the dark. just a thought.
also, depending on just how secluded i am (i'm checking for cameras), i may become a little living ipod advertisement and have a little dance party in my big plastic room with my music. after all, nobody can bust up in there on me because i might ....i don't know...mutate them ...or something... haha.
**side note: the best comment i have heard so far regarding all this radioactivity comes from bill who suggested:
"well, maybe if you touch a turtle or something you'll mutate and be like the ninja turtles with cool powers and skills! "
one can only hope. :)
God is teaching me not only about trust and being flexible (aka not in control), but also about hearing his voice. i read something today that said, "often what i consider interruptions are divine distractions designed to reveal His plans for me."
although as of this morning, none of this was supposed to happen, i have faith that this unplanned solitude will bring about great things.
i'll let ya'll know how it goes. i'm charging up my ipod, packing up my books, and enjoying the sights and sounds of the night. see you on the outside people.
so i went in on monday to the doctor and got some pretty great news as a result of the trial radiation dose and scan that i had last week! last week they gave me a pill and a few days later i got strapped down like a mummy in a machine to scan me for 30-45 min ....it had little lasers to detect just how close it could get to me without actually touching me. it got REAL close. and despite the fake clouds that they had carefully painted on the ceiling, the doctor suggested that i close my eyes. good idea.
on monday they told me the cancer hasn't really spread beyond my throat and they think one strong dose of radiation should take care of what is left. YAY.
i was supposed to get a pill, have to go home for the weekend and avoid people and then be done with it.
sounded simple enough to me, and despite some changes (see below), i feel extremely blessed that cancer is not eating me up from the inside out.
i realize that this is a result of MUCH prayer on YOUR parts. God has been so so so faithful to me through all of this and I cannot begin to express how much i have seen His love and hand through each and every one of you. your prayers and wisdom and words of encouragement amaze me.
so thank you. :) i love you.
well in my consult today things got a little bit ....more ....complicated...weird...funny..?
i started out in the cancer/radiation waiting room of the hospital which on a serious note, is a very sad place. everyone is burned in different places (most radiation does this to you...mine will not) and has little to no hair. mainly the hair loss is due to radiation/chemo (and no my hair will not fall out again thank goodness). but some of this is because they are all over 60 years old and have no hair anyway.
it reminded me a lot of my grandfather (who lost the battle to his thyroid cancer on Good Friday of this year, just a few days after I had my own thyroid tumor taken out). and how much loneliness and pain he must have felt sitting in a very similar waiting room like that every day for many many months. these people i looked at today had that same weariness in their faces. and it made me miss him.
i am reminded how blessed i am to only have to do this just one time when these people have to do it every day.
when they figured out that i was a patient too and was there for the same reason they were, i did get to make friends with some people over some hot chocolate and we exchanged stories about going bald. which made all of us laugh.
then i went in to see my new doctor (this makes #6 if you are keeping count haha)...she's great and i love her.
however, she determined that:
1. i am so hypothyroid i'm now off the chart and beyond the "high" number range haha (if you are a medical person you will understand this lol)
2. i now will be admitted to the hospital tomorrow (SURPRISE!) to get my radiation and have to stay in the hospital for 1-2 days in complete seclusion. i will be in a "wrapped" room (..."kind of like bubble boy" is how my doctor explained it) where literally everything is wrapped in plastic...stuff. they have to detox it when i leave ... strange.
since i will be a little human chernobyl for a day or two, i will have NO human contact (no nurses, no visitors, nada)....except for about 10 min. total or so where my doctor (who will be dressed in a special suit of some sort) will come in and scan my radioactivity level. ( i guess they slide my food through a little door maybe? haha...i will let you know how this works).
i can bring the clothes i have on, some books, toothbrush/etc. and my ipod (i had to beg for that).
thats it.
no cell phone, no computer. they are letting me use the hospital phone and the hospital tv. and apparently those are plastic coated as well.
then when i am let out, for the next 5-7 days i will be staying at mom and dad's house so i can have my own bathroom, dishes, etc. (which sadly destroys me and lindsey's original plan of having me walk the perimeter of the new house while i'm radioactive to kill off all the giant bugs...dang it.)
i have brought every art supply i own over to the house and i will have a week to paint, glue, scrapbook, scribble, organize and create in general.
i'm excited.
i even packed my painting pants. i know i'm weird.
RULES AND REGULATIONS:
*i CAN have visitors, but if you are going to be near me for more than a few minutes then you have to be about 4 or 5 feet away.
*i'm really supposed to mainly try and avoid pregnant people, children and/or midgets, and animals.
and sadly, no i'm not kidding. :) so if one of those categories applies to you, i'll see you in a week or so.
*i can go out in public, but my doctor suggest that i really limit this as much as i can.
*every day i'll be less and less radioactive, so if you are super paranoid and fear for your life....visit me at the end of the week......JUST KIDDING...i think?
5-7 days after my dose, i'll get scanned and hopefully get the go ahead by around next weekend sometime to start my medicine!!!!! then i'll get scanned again in 6-12 months to make sure no cancer has come back. but they are planning on knocking this whole thing out in one strong dose which i am very grateful for. so in a few weeks hopefully i will be adjusted to my new medicine and can once again resume normal social activity, energy level, and body temperature!!!!!
so.
i plan on using my major alone time in the hospital to have some much needed "father daughter" time (as deb calls it) with my jesus. if God had your undivided attention for 1-2 days with no distractions, think about how much he could teach you! i'm kind of excited. i am ready to hear his voice.
also i am curious to see if i will glow in the dark. just a thought.
also, depending on just how secluded i am (i'm checking for cameras), i may become a little living ipod advertisement and have a little dance party in my big plastic room with my music. after all, nobody can bust up in there on me because i might ....i don't know...mutate them ...or something... haha.
**side note: the best comment i have heard so far regarding all this radioactivity comes from bill who suggested:
"well, maybe if you touch a turtle or something you'll mutate and be like the ninja turtles with cool powers and skills! "
one can only hope. :)
God is teaching me not only about trust and being flexible (aka not in control), but also about hearing his voice. i read something today that said, "often what i consider interruptions are divine distractions designed to reveal His plans for me."
although as of this morning, none of this was supposed to happen, i have faith that this unplanned solitude will bring about great things.
i'll let ya'll know how it goes. i'm charging up my ipod, packing up my books, and enjoying the sights and sounds of the night. see you on the outside people.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
would you change?
If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change? Makes you change?
If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change? Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?Makes you change?
Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows
are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling? Why risk falling?
If everything you think you know, Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?Would you change?
If you'd broken every rule and vow, And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
-tracy chapman
its interesting to me the many ways that God gets our attention.....and just what does it take for us to really make a change in how we live and how we love other people......
i have a ....potentially.... life changing day tomorrow.
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change? Makes you change?
If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change? Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?Makes you change?
Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows
are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling? Why risk falling?
If everything you think you know, Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?Would you change?
If you'd broken every rule and vow, And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
-tracy chapman
its interesting to me the many ways that God gets our attention.....and just what does it take for us to really make a change in how we live and how we love other people......
i have a ....potentially.... life changing day tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
happy new year!
thats right...i said happy new year.
nope, i don't have my holidays confused and they haven't rearranged the calendar...at least not just yet.
but today is a new year. i decided i am starting over. its the start of a new life. (for me and anyone else who wants to join)
why today you ask? many various and sundry reasons which would take too long to discuss.
but i do have them. reasons i mean.
(random side note: i particularly enjoy the word sundry. in both noun and adjective form.
definition: sundry:
(adj) consisting of a haphazard assortment of different kinds (even to the point of incongruity); "assorted sizes"; "miscellaneous accessories"; "a mixed program of baroque and contemporary music"; "a motley crew";
(noun): odds and ends, miscellaneous unspecified objects
not only do i think sundry would be a cool name for a band, but for some reason it reminds me of the oregon trail game we played when we were little....
and the little screen would remind you to get your 'sundries' at the general store before you embarked out west to cross rivers and change broken wheel axles and eventually die of cholera or a rattlesnake bite.
don't even try to hide the fact that really we all played to shoot the deer and the little prarie dogs. but really, how awesome was oregon trail day at school...'sigh'....)
okay. i'm back.
in starting my new life and my yellow brick road to recovery from all this cancer mess,
i got my first trial round of radiation treatment today.
at about 8 something this morning, they took me into a room labeled the 'hot lab,' sat me down in a special chair in a room full of weird instruments and needles and gave me.....a pill. and then some guy watched me take the pill and drink a big glass of water, stared at me for a minute or two (was he waiting to see if i started glowing or something?) and then said..."okay, you can go."
very anticlimactic no?
but hey, i'm not complaining :)
i am scheduled to go in on friday and get scanned for 30 min-hour or so and the radioactive stuff in the pill will show up on the scan and hopefully show them more of where the cancer is...which they will discuss with me the beginning of next week.
also on my new years day, i made a trip to the...healthy whole world earth vegan organic food fare grocery store...whatever...to try and embrace my new life of healthy eating.
i wandered around for about an hour and made several pleasing discoveries regarding this new change in diet:
1. organic earth eater people actually do eat chocolate. (yay). they just eat it mixed with healthier organic-y stuff like fruit and granola and other all natural ...stuff. i tried some. it was good.
2. they have a wall with every sort of dried fruit, seeds, beans, nuts, flake, fiber, candy, oats, mix and granola you could imagine. i made my own trail mix from this wall and you can put it in these little bags and take them home and mix them together. its kind of like making up your own cereal with whatever you want in it. WHATEVER you want. this wall-o-magic has the potential to amaze me for hours.
3. they have a whole pet food/accessory aisle. so not only can you go organic, but so can your dog, cat, fish, bird, rat, guinea pig, hamster, hermit crab and ant farm. just in case you were curious.
4. AND they had a paula deen cooking magazine in the checkout aisle. not only does this prove that if paula deen is in the organic grocery store, it shows that her cooking can't be all that unhealthy for you, this also upped the overall coolness factor of the grocery store in my eyes.
going all earth mother-y sometimes will not be so horrible after all.
so i say, why not today?
july 4th and new years eve are not all that different. both have lots of fireworks. both are holidays celebrated mostly at night marking independence and new beginnings. see my point?
and i am in the midst of making some new years resolution-type changes in my life.
so i say HAPPY NEW YEAR! to you on this 5th of july, 2006.
nope, i don't have my holidays confused and they haven't rearranged the calendar...at least not just yet.
but today is a new year. i decided i am starting over. its the start of a new life. (for me and anyone else who wants to join)
why today you ask? many various and sundry reasons which would take too long to discuss.
but i do have them. reasons i mean.
(random side note: i particularly enjoy the word sundry. in both noun and adjective form.
definition: sundry:
(adj) consisting of a haphazard assortment of different kinds (even to the point of incongruity); "assorted sizes"; "miscellaneous accessories"; "a mixed program of baroque and contemporary music"; "a motley crew";
(noun): odds and ends, miscellaneous unspecified objects
not only do i think sundry would be a cool name for a band, but for some reason it reminds me of the oregon trail game we played when we were little....
and the little screen would remind you to get your 'sundries' at the general store before you embarked out west to cross rivers and change broken wheel axles and eventually die of cholera or a rattlesnake bite.
don't even try to hide the fact that really we all played to shoot the deer and the little prarie dogs. but really, how awesome was oregon trail day at school...'sigh'....)
okay. i'm back.
in starting my new life and my yellow brick road to recovery from all this cancer mess,
i got my first trial round of radiation treatment today.
at about 8 something this morning, they took me into a room labeled the 'hot lab,' sat me down in a special chair in a room full of weird instruments and needles and gave me.....a pill. and then some guy watched me take the pill and drink a big glass of water, stared at me for a minute or two (was he waiting to see if i started glowing or something?) and then said..."okay, you can go."
very anticlimactic no?
but hey, i'm not complaining :)
i am scheduled to go in on friday and get scanned for 30 min-hour or so and the radioactive stuff in the pill will show up on the scan and hopefully show them more of where the cancer is...which they will discuss with me the beginning of next week.
also on my new years day, i made a trip to the...healthy whole world earth vegan organic food fare grocery store...whatever...to try and embrace my new life of healthy eating.
i wandered around for about an hour and made several pleasing discoveries regarding this new change in diet:
1. organic earth eater people actually do eat chocolate. (yay). they just eat it mixed with healthier organic-y stuff like fruit and granola and other all natural ...stuff. i tried some. it was good.
2. they have a wall with every sort of dried fruit, seeds, beans, nuts, flake, fiber, candy, oats, mix and granola you could imagine. i made my own trail mix from this wall and you can put it in these little bags and take them home and mix them together. its kind of like making up your own cereal with whatever you want in it. WHATEVER you want. this wall-o-magic has the potential to amaze me for hours.
3. they have a whole pet food/accessory aisle. so not only can you go organic, but so can your dog, cat, fish, bird, rat, guinea pig, hamster, hermit crab and ant farm. just in case you were curious.
4. AND they had a paula deen cooking magazine in the checkout aisle. not only does this prove that if paula deen is in the organic grocery store, it shows that her cooking can't be all that unhealthy for you, this also upped the overall coolness factor of the grocery store in my eyes.
going all earth mother-y sometimes will not be so horrible after all.
so i say, why not today?
july 4th and new years eve are not all that different. both have lots of fireworks. both are holidays celebrated mostly at night marking independence and new beginnings. see my point?
and i am in the midst of making some new years resolution-type changes in my life.
so i say HAPPY NEW YEAR! to you on this 5th of july, 2006.
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